


A Not So Simple Touch

by JinxedAmbitions



Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, hearing loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: Jake Jensen loved his job.  It wasn't conventional, but he liked to believe it was helping people.  He knew that it had helped him.  Being a professional cuddler wasn't the type of job that got you respect at family reunions, but Jake loved it, nonetheless.When Carlos walked into his life, albeit reluctantly, Jake wasn't sure he could be what the other man needed, but he desperately wanted to be.  Jake had never met someone else who understood that sometimes the simplest things weren't easy at all, but they were worth fighting for.
Relationships: Carlos "Cougar" Alvarez & Jake Jensen, Carlos "Cougar" Alvarez/Jake Jensen
Comments: 8
Kudos: 68





	A Not So Simple Touch

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was not the fic I intended to post this week, but here it is anyway. This is a four year old WIP that I've dusted off. Rating may go up, but as of now this is a pretty mild fic by my standards.
> 
> WARNING: there are mentions of past child neglect/abuse from the beginning, so be aware.

Jake Jensen loved his job. It wasn't conventional, but he liked to believe it was helping people. He knew that it had helped him. Being a professional cuddler wasn't the type of job that got you respect at family reunions, but Jake loved it, nonetheless. Not that he'd go to a family reunion if there was one. He would rather have his fingernails ripped off one by one than do that.

He was the only male cuddler at the office, and he'd probably only gotten the job because he'd been a customer for so long that all of the cuddlers knew him and his style. Not too many people came in looking for a man to hold them for an hour or two. Men certainly didn't ask for a male cuddler, and women tended to feel more comfortable with a woman as well. However, Jake had clients. He had quite a few actually. 

Some people came looking for someone to talk to them. People who had jobs that didn't involve much human contact—much like Jake's previous job—and Jake was excellent at making conversation with anyone about anything. Some of his clients just booked an hour to talk to him in an intimate setting. They'd sit on the bed with him, completely comfortable, and they'd just talk about anything the client wanted to. It wasn't therapy. Sometimes they told him their problems, but mostly they just wanted to talk to someone face to face.

Several clients outright chose Jake because they saw the way his t-shirts clung to him as he wandered through the studio to get some water for another client. He didn't mind that either. He was always very firm that nothing sexual was on the table whether in or out of the office. The clients were surprisingly good about it even after the way they looked at him as though they were imagining him naked.

Then there were the grannies. Jake had eight elderly women who came in regularly. It had started because Gladys had come in on a whim on what would have been her fiftieth wedding anniversary. She'd told Hannah at the desk that she'd been walking by and saw a handsome young man standing in the window in the most horrendous orange shirt she'd ever seen, and was he a snuggler, and did he happen to have an opening that afternoon? 

Hannah was a romantic at heart, and she'd told Gladys to come in during what was supposed to be Jake's lunch hour. Jake hadn't really minded. He ate during the fifteen minutes between his sessions when he was hungry, or he ate with his clients. Several of them spoiled him with homemade treats regularly.

Gladys had come into their pre-cuddle meeting with a bright smile on her wrinkled face. Jake had laid out the rules, but in the end all Gladys wanted was for someone to hold her like Harry had for nearly fifty years. 

“It's so hard to go from being beside someone every night to never having them there again,” she'd told him as he'd wrapped his arms around her frail body on the comfortable mattress. 

Jake listened to her talk about her late husband for the entire hour as he held her close. And within the week he had seven other new clients ranging from sixty-three to eighty-seven, all looking for the “strapping young man” that would hold them like their hubbies used to. Jake didn't mind. They were some of his favorite clients. He liked hearing about how they met the loves of their lives, and he didn't even mind when all they could talk about were the struggles of losing them. Jake just loved his job in general, and he was grateful for Gladys and her knitting group for cementing his position at the studio. 

When Margery—the owner of the studio—pulled him aside one day, Jake got a little worried. Scratch that, Jensen was downright terrified that there had been a complaint, or they just couldn't afford to keep him around. 

“Jake, stop looking like I'm going to fire you. Your job isn't in question,” Margery told him in mock exasperation as they walked into the small meeting room they had in the studio.

Whereas the rest of the studio was filled with neutral colors, natural lighting, and plush fabrics, the meeting room was very modern with clean lines and cool colors. It definitely felt like a place to discuss business, which he supposed was the point. People could easily forget that this was in fact a business, and just because it was run by a bunch of women wearing linen and looking like something out of a new age lifestyle manual, didn't mean they didn't know business and wouldn't put you in your place if you thought you could play fast and loose with the rules.

“Well, that's a relief,” Jake replied with a deep sigh. He fiddled with his glasses as he walked, trying not to show his entire range of ticks as he fought off the unwarranted fear of being fired. 

“Jake, you are a valued member of our staff. I don't know any other way of telling you that, but if there is one that will stick, please let me know. Every time I try to talk to you, you get that look,” she said, taking a seat at the meeting table and motioning for him to do the same. There was a pitcher of water set up, so she must be expecting a new client this afternoon.

“Sorry, most of my bosses in the past were really just itching for a reason to get rid of me. It's a hard habit to break.” Jake smiled brightly though it didn’t match his words. He tried not to glance around the room because that would just make her aware that despite her words, Margery gave him that motherly smile that always made him feel small and loved. She wasn’t anywhere close to being old enough to be his mother, but Jake supposed some people just had that vibe about them. Not to mention, she had the mom-est haircut he’d ever seen. Her mousy brown hair was cut in the angled bob of a woman about to ask to see the manager, and it was completely at odds with her laidback managerial style.

“We love having you here, Jake, and with that being said, I want you to keep in mind that what we're about to discuss will in no way affect your position with this company,” Margery assured him, pouring herself a glass of cold water. 

“That doesn't sound ominous or anything,” he retorted, fidgeting in his seat. Some days, he was amazed that he could lie in bed for an hour and a half at a time just holding someone without getting squirmy. Any other time, he was squirmy and fidgety. 

“We have a prospective client, but he has several specific needs that would normally be red flags, but I'm close friends with his mother, and she thinks this is what he needs,” Margery explained. Jake noticed that she had her own fidget going as she tucked her hair behind her ear. It didn’t do anything to ease his concern.

“And what would be those specific needs?” Jake asked, intrigued because Margery was very strict with who she allowed to come to her establishment. She had a zero-tolerance policy for creeps looking to cop a feel, and she was very close friends with the police department, and they came quickly for any sort of complaint. So, she must really love this guy's mother if she was even considering taking him.

“Mr. Alvarez's requests are for a male cuddler, which is why you are here and no one else. However, attached to that is that the man must be strong. Mr. Alvarez requests that windows and doors be closed during a session, and that he is never to be approached from behind or from the right side,” Margery told him, reading from the file she had in front of her. 

All clients had folders with requests just so everything was in writing, but usually it was much more informal. Some clients had a name they preferred to be called. Others requested specific mood music that helped them relax. It was all mostly benign requests. This was much more serious.

“Was he military?” Jake asked. That's all he could think as she read off the requests.

“On paper, that was not disclosed. From personal knowledge. Yes, he was. He's been struggling since he came home, and his mother is concerned. She asked me to allow him one session just to see if he liked it. She promises that he isn't violent. He's just very cautious. Again, it's completely up to you if you take him as a client. You don't even have to meet with him if you don't think you want to do this,” she said, taking a sip of her water.

Jake took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Jake liked to help people. He wanted to take this client, but he'd never had a male client before. Not a single man that came in requested him. One had outright said that he was afraid of Jake getting aroused while with him which Jake didn't really have a problem with since yes, he had become aroused with clients before, but he was always professional. Arousal happened sometimes for both parties, but they ignored it and let it pass. Still, Jake knew that that could cause a lot of questions to a person that they may not be ready to face.

Still, it wasn't that Mr. Alvarez was a man that worried Jake. It was that he had been military, and while Jake knew that in theory, they weren't all homophobic, he'd had his choice of job thrown in his face enough that he refused to withstand any sort of verbal abuse from a client. 

“Have you ever met Mr. Alvarez?” Jake asked, cringing a little.

“What do you want to know, Jake?” Margery asked with a smirk. She was used to all manner of odd questions from him. 

“He isn't going to give me trouble about what I do is he?” Jake asked in a rush.

“I've only met Carlos once, but he was very polite and one of the most soft-spoken individuals I've ever met. I don't think he would say anything rude or inappropriate to you.” She held her hands up and shrugged her shoulders though. She wasn’t making any promises, just giving an opinion. Margery hadn’t created a successful business out of cuddling being naïve though.

“I'll meet with him,” Jake agreed. “Not guaranteeing I'll take him as a client, but I'll talk to him.”

“That's fine. He'll come in this afternoon. You don't have a client between three and five, correct?”

Jake confirmed with her, and then he went and set up for his next client. He spent his next session wondering what the afternoon held for him. His client didn't notice his distraction as she preferred silence when they cuddled. She was one of his hardest clients because he preferred interacting, but he liked her enough to hold his tongue for their forty-five-minute session during her lunch break. 

When three o'clock rolled around, Jake said goodbye to his last client of the afternoon. He had one evening client, but he was free until seven, other than for his meeting. Jake washed his hands and face in the small bathroom before going to meet with Margery and Mr. Alvarez. Looking at himself in the mirror, he tried to find his balance.

“There’s nothing to worry about. This guy wouldn’t be coming in if he didn’t want to be.” Jake gave himself a smile in the mirror, but it looked strained. “He asked for a guy. He isn’t going to call your masculinity into question.” The smile didn’t get any less strained. In fact, he was pretty sure he looked extremely constipated as he gritted his teeth in some semblance of happiness. “You survive hell, Jake. This is nothing.”

Taking one more gulp of air, Jake straightened up and looked himself straight in the eye. He could do this. He ran his fingers through his hair until it was artfully messed, then he stepped out of the bathroom.

The door to the conference room was open as he approached, so he assumed that Mr. Alvarez hadn't arrived yet and walked right it. He froze when he saw a man with hair that fell past his shoulders facing away from him. Margery was telling him something as Jake just stood there taking in the man's features. His skin was sun-kissed brown, and his arms were on display as his gray t-shirt barely covered them. He was wearing a cowboy hat that somehow didn't look ridiculous, and he had a goatee that framed soft looking lips.

Jake tried really hard to remember which side he wasn't allowed to approach from. He bit his lip, considering stepping back out of the room and just knocking on the door. However, as he took a step back, Mr. Alvarez turned toward the door and pinned Jake in place with an appraising stare. Not appraising in a sexual way—although Jake did feel very naked, and just a little turned on by the man's attention—but as though he was determining exactly who Jake was just by looking at him with those piercing eyes.

“Hi, I'm Jake,” Jake said, waving awkwardly at the man who looked like he was several years older than him. 

Mr. Alvarez stood then, and Jake half expected him to walk out, but he just offered his hand to Jake politely as he reached across the table. Jake quickly strode over to take his offered hand. His shake was firm, but it didn't have any of that posturing killer grip to it. It was just a steady handshake. Jake liked it. 

“Carlos,” Mr. Alvarez introduced himself. His voice was soft, and it held a slight accent.

“Nice to meet you,” Jake told him before taking a seat across from him. Margery was positioned between them at the end of the table. 

She finished going through the rules with Carlos once they were settled again. Jake poured himself a glass of water while she went over protocol if anyone became aroused during a session. Jake was very glad that Margery handled this part because he didn't think he could say the word arousal to Carlos without blushing. In fact, just thinking the word was making his face feel hot.

“Arousal is natural, and sometimes it happens during a session because the security and relaxation of cuddling is pleasurable, and that can be the body's reaction. It can happen whether you are with a woman or man, and it has nothing to do with your sexuality. Our cuddlers always conduct themselves in a professional manner. Arousal from either party is not consent for more. We have a no tolerance policy for improper conduct. If arousal occurs and you would like a moment for your body to relax again or for the cuddler to take a moment, all you need to do is ask. Never feel like you can't make requests once you are in a session. We're here to help you, and so long as your requests do not violate terms of service or the cuddler's personal boundaries, we will try to accommodate you to the best of our abilities. Is that understood?” Margery ask, and Carlos just nodded at her.

Jake watched Carlos as Margery went on to explain appropriate attire and hygiene for a session. Jake could smell Carlos's cologne from here. It was subtle and very pleasant, but Margery always discouraged any perfumes. 

When Marge was finished with her speech, she asked Carlos if he had any thoughts or concerns. Jake watched Carlos sit for a moment looking down at the contract that she had given him. 

“I do not think this is what I need,” he said after several moments just studying the paper.

“I understand if you have some apprehensions, and if you want to take some time to think on it that's fine, but maybe we can address some of your concerns before you do that,” she offered, and Jake was glad she was running this because Jake was bad at this part.

Carlos looked up at Jake for a moment then down at the paper again. He didn't look uncomfortable per se, but he looked like the kind of guy practiced in hiding his emotions. He looked up at Jake again, and Jake was starting to believe he'd either be asked to leave them to talk or be told Carlos just didn't want to be his client. Jake took a steadying breath, reminding himself that this was nothing he couldn’t handle. Rejection was a part of life.

“May I speak with Jake alone?” Carlos asked instead, and Jake couldn't hide the shock on his face. Margery's surprise wasn't well hidden either, though she did compose herself quickly.

“Of course. If you're more comfortable speaking with Jake alone that's fine. Jay, just come find me when you're finished,” she said, excusing herself. 

“Um, so do you have any concerns I can address?” Jake asked, rubbing the back of his neck and trying not to take his glasses off to clean them. He wanted to be able to see Carlos clearly, and while cleaning his glasses was a nervous tick, he needed to be alert here.

“My mother asked me to come here, but I don't think this will work,” Carlos told him. Jake got that, but there had to be a reason for that, and he was pretty sure it wasn't because Carlos was afraid Jake might pop a boner.

“That's fine, but was there something you wanted to discuss without Margery here?” Jake tried not to let himself start rambling.

“I do not like to be touched,” Carlos told him, sitting back in his chair, looking more like he was the one running this than the other way around.

“Okay, yeah I could see why you might have concerns then, but I have a client who just sits on the mattress with me and talks to me. We don't have to touch. I mean, yeah that's kind of the point, but everybody's different. Sometimes just the atmosphere helps you relax. It's completely up to you, but maybe we could work up to touching,” Jake suggested. 

Carlos tucked his chin down, effectively cutting Jake off from seeing his expressions. He was being blocked out. That made him twitchy, and Jake almost tore his glasses off his face to rub them between his fingers and his t-shirt. He scrubbed ever last smudge of oils of the lenses before checking them then cleaning them again just to be safe.

“Is this effective?” Carlos asked as Jake slowly lifted his glasses back to his face. Jake blinked at him, and he could see Carlos peeking at him behind the brim of his hat.

“It was for me,” Jake told him honestly.

“May I ask why you came here?” Carlos asked.

“Let's just say I was touch starved,” Jake told him, unwilling to lay himself bare for a complete stranger no matter how good looking he was.

“I am not touch starved.” Carlos told him.

“I think we both know that's a lie,” Jake said, then clapped a hand over his mouth. Now that was a fire-able offense. Margery would never speak to a client like that.

Carlos tipped his hat back and stared at Jake with those piercing eyes. Jake held his ground, knowing that was the only choice. Carlos seemed like the sort that could sniff out weakness from a mile away.

“I tremble when my mother hugs me. What makes you think that if she cannot touch me without making me shake that you can?” he challenged. 

“Because you're desperate to please your mom. You want to be better for her. You want to be able to hold her without hurting. If that isn't stressful, I don't know what is. Me? You can shake. You can cry. You can flinch, and I'm not going to be offended or upset by it. I know everyone thinks that they're safest with family, but we put a lot of burdens on our own shoulders to protect our family's feelings. Sometimes, it's just easier to be yourself with a stranger. So, I'm not saying I can touch you without making you shake, but I'm telling you that it's alright if you do,” Jake told him.

Carlos didn't say anything to that. He looked back down at the contract for a minute then up at Jake again.

“I'm dangerous,” Carlos told him. It was such a simple statement, and Jake didn't doubt its truth for a moment. He also knew that it wasn't to warn him off. It was just a courtesy. 

“Trust me, it's the ones who come in looking sweet that I'm most worried about,” Jake said with a lopsided smile. It earned him a small smirk, and Jake felt like it was a huge accomplishment.

Carlos picked up his pen and signed the contract. Jake signed it after him because as much as Carlos was a scary guy, Jake wanted to work with him. 

“I know you're in jeans and might not be mentally ready right now, but I have a block of free time now if you maybe wanted a short session. You know, just to see what it’s like,” Jake offered as he got everything in order.

Carlos froze, and Jake cringed. Suddenly, Carlos was on edge again and looking cornered. However, he did some weird breathing thing, and that seemed to calm him at least outwardly.

“Okay,” he said, and Jake felt bad for putting him on the spot. However, once Carlos was composed, Jake couldn't spot any sort of discomfort in him.

Jake let Margery know that he was going to start a session, and he led Carlos into his room. He went over to the blinds and closed them as per Carlos' request. Then he showed Carlos the small bathroom in case he wanted to relieve himself or splash some water on his face. Carlos slipped into the bathroom, and Jake sat on the bed to wait.

He didn't start to worry until five minutes passed, and Carlos hadn't come out yet. Jake gave it another minute before going over to the bathroom and tapping on the door lightly. At first, he got no response, and he became more worried. 

“Carlos, are you alright in there? If you aren't feeling well, I can bring you some water or something,” Jake called through the door.

“'m fine,” he heard through the thin door.

“Okay. Sorry to bother you,” Jake told him before returning to the bed. After another five minutes, Jake went to the door again and knocked lightly. “Are you still alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Carlos said, but his voice didn't sound right. It sounded to breathy.

“May I open the door?” Jake asked.

“No.” That was firm, though it sounded pained.

Jake bit his lip as he tried to decide what to do. He knew he should go get Margery, but he didn't want to make a big thing of it if Carlos was just feeling some nerves.

When twenty minutes had passed, and Jake couldn't get Carlos to come out, he was starting to get scared. “Is it alright if I talk to you through the door?” Jake asked as he sat down against the door, afraid to go too far.

He only received a grunt in reply. Jake bit his lip as he thought about the months of isolation and loneliness he'd felt in the past. 

“I was neglected as a kid. Like left for weeks without money for food or clothes kind of neglect. It wasn't like just when I was a teenager either. My mom didn't really hold me as a kid that much, and I know that sounds like a punchline, but I actually wet myself when one of my teachers gave me a hug when I was seven. I thought she was trying to smother me to death,” Jake said. He bit his lip before continuing, taking a steadying breath.

“I was sixteen when my sister arrived with Child Protective Services. My mom had left my dad when I was little and taken me with her. When my sister came of age, she tried to find me, but it took her a few years to track us down. She got custody of me, but I'd scream every time she tried to touch me. I wore really thick clothes, so people couldn't touch me because my mom only touched me when she punished me,” Jake told the pattern of the wood.

“God, I think I spent the entirety of my junior and senior year in therapy. I mean, it  _ did _ help. I wouldn't have been able to come here if it hadn't helped me, but when I turned twenty-two and was working out of my own bedroom on my computer, I decided I hated being alone, and I wanted to have friends. So, I did a bunch of research, and I ended up coming here. It took a while, and I worked with everyone here until I found who worked best with me, but now here I am,” Jake finished. “I'm not a therapist. I can't fix what's broken, but I do know that isolation is a problem too, and that I can help with,” Jake said.

Carlos didn't say anything. Jake just waited though. He cleaned his glasses and ran his fingers through his hair, but after another ten minutes, he heard the toilet flush and the water run. Jake scrambled to his feet, but the door didn't open.

He sighed and looked at his watch. It was a quarter to five. Their hour was basically over. “Our time's up, if you'd prefer, I can leave the room first,” Jake said through the door. He didn't like the idea of leaving him, but he wasn't sure if Carlos would come out while he was there.

“Thank you,” Carlos said.

Jake sighed and left the room. He went back to the meeting room until he heard the bell over the front door ding. That's where Margery found him. She had a huge smile on her face.

“What's got you so happy,” Jake asked, feeling a bit raw from sharing his story without so much as an acknowledgment of it from Carlos.

“You got Carlos to do a session, and he said it was nice and he booked another session next week,” she said as though she couldn't understand why Jake wasn't as over the moon as she was.

Jake lifted his head and looked at her like she was crazy. “He what?”

“Booked a second session. An hour and a half too. He must have really liked you,” she told him. “Why are you so surprised?” she asked.

Jake held his tongue. He doubted that Carlos wanted anyone to know that he'd spent the whole time locked in the bathroom. He hadn't even faced Jake after. Jake just assumed that he would cancel the next session later, and he hadn't wanted to make it awkward while he was leaving.


End file.
